American Hero by Edited by George R. R. Martin

Author:Edited by George R. R. Martin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Tor Books

Confessional: Guadelupe Maria del Rosario Garza aka Rosa Loteria

Hey there, America. Rosa again.

So, you wanna know what’s going on with me and the Spades? The contest this week? I think we did great, and if they’d asked the vatos at the homeless shelter, they’d agree. I mean, do you wanna sing “Old Time Religion” with a guy who’s so fat that the only time he can get his ass out of his wheelchair is when he turns into a giant beachball? Or would you think it was cooler to have a dragon heat your soup, have it served to you by dancing teddy bears, have your picture taken with a beautiful ace in a skimpy outfit, have another pretty ace run a Mexican bingo game where she actually turns into the characters on her cards, and oh, yeah, have a fourth ace not only shoot hot yellow flames from his fingers to heat your soup, but magical green ones that heal you so you don’t have to go to the hospital or nothing?

Sure, we got a little rowdy. I pass out some Loteria mats for everyone to play and first I pull El Tigre and everyone’s all, “Ooh, a tiger woman! Cool!” And then I shuffle the deck and pull a card and call, “Hey, who’s drunk as a skunk?” and someone calls back, “El Borracho!” And bam! There he is with his bottle, and he’s borracho, y’know? So “¡Salud!” Drinks for everyone! Good times. Nothing like a few forties and tequila to liven up a party.

And it’s a homeless shelter! It’s not like everyone was sober to begin with.

And you can blame Rachel’s parents for her getting that bottle of Manischewitz. El Borracho just conjures everyone’s favorite drink, and if she got that, she must have tasted it before. Plus Cleo was being a lady. When that guy tried to cop a feel, she didn’t slap him or nothing. She just popped across the room. How was she supposed to know that pendejo had hold of her tube top?

The Clubs ran a second-rate revival meeting. Mr. Downs is all, “And they did it without using any powers!” But what powers could they use? The Right Reverend Beachball, Mister Toad, Indestructible Dude, and Hard-Ass Chick? They’re all one-trick ponies. And except for Jamal, not even very good tricks.

And if being a hero isn’t about using your powers, then why didn’t we have some token nats on the teams? There were more than enough at the tryouts.

The judges are making it up as they go along, and everyone knows it. They wanted to smile and clap for the Sunday-school teacher at least once before they roll his fat ass out of here, so they hand him immunity for a G-rated revival meeting. Us? Forget everyone having a great time and getting healed and stuff and instead yell about a bunch of drinks and a couple nipples. Hello, Drummer Boy has six of them, they’re bigger, and not only does he show

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